I Try. I really do. All I want is some tame adventures in retirement but Noooo, Something happens requiring the body to shoot adrenaline into the bloodstream. About the time I come down from an episode, and reached a pleasant garden variety lifestyle as depicted at the end of a romantic novel, I fail.
I was just coming off a nice Saturday doing some odd jobs around the place with my son and someone drives up and says “I need your help, right now. a fire got away from me. Bring buckets and rakes, there is a water hole we can dip out of. I just can’t get ahead of it.” I knew the look. That’s code for my body to go to DEFCON 3 instantly and the adrenal gland squirts a little “go juice” into the bloodstream.
When we saw the fire it was ENGAGE!! DEFCON Nothing! We wanted to contain a small brush fire (by forest fire standards) before making professional firefighters engage if the fire grew. yes they were standing by in full gear if we failed to contain OUR fire. Our neighbors forest was on the line and thousands of State land beyond.
We did it, we did it, but I don’t want to grow up and become a fireman anymore!
Recovering from a few hours of heavy exercise in thick smoke while coming off more adrenaline than the fire warranted. I was only in real danger a couple times when huge gusts of wind blew leaves and some loose tree limbs on fire all around me.
Walks in the woods looking for moral mushrooms brought me back to being a mild mannered gardener type old guy. My sister visited and together we saw a rare sight. A ruffled grouse all ruffled out. He was making moves on two females and did not appreciate the interruption.
So I’m back to coming off a shot of adrenaline again. It’s my own doing. I could just have the camera handy and take some kinds of pictures out the window. I saw a nice size male bear strolling by the house so I grabbed the camera. Point and shoot right? No S.D. card in it. I get the card, bear still there but lens cap is on. No shot as bear goes around the corner of the house. Later I look for the lens cap for half an hour and found it in the dirt of a flower pot under the window plant.
I went out the back door camera now ready and the bear scoots in the woods and starts heading around the house where he came from. No real camera shot yet. I think I know where the bear will cross into the other woods and I pad over to head him off. I was right, he’s coming straight at me. This is exciting, I start taking pictures. Camera is on the wrong setting. I fix it, kind of. He doesn’t see me or hear the camera as the wind is heavy. Coming fast. Too fast for a good shot. I should probably move and let him know I’m here. He stops about 3 good bounds away from me as he heard the camera click, my best shot but he was looking the other way.
I was at that tipping point where if you scare a bear he might attack rather than run away. Too close. I clicked the camera again and he didn’t like the sound. Spooked he began to run away. I encouraged him with a fake dog bark and ran at him. Why do I do things like that? Would you run at a bear armed with a camera?
Adrenalin is a serious self medicating drug. I am mild mannered without it. With it all caution is thrown to the wind. My evil adrenal gland knows this and says to the brain…”Ha! I’m in charge. I bet you are afraid to charge!!” My brain says “here, hold my bottle of reasoning and watch this…!” I digress.
Do you know how long it takes to write, edit, write and edit a short post as adrenaline leaves the body? HHhereres aa smaplee offf mnomedditteeddd., lline frome ey blighgh (here is a sample of none edited line from my blog). My fingers jerk all over the place and my mind runs in circles. How would you be doing staring down a bear who is trying to decide what to do with you?? Trust me, any fluff in your very sincere prayers are edited down to the very few but really important words before God. If you don’t believe in God, at this point you hope you are wrong and prayer works! Blasted Adrenaline
TIP: When the bear turns around to size you up, don’t try chasing him away at this point
Things not to do on adrenalin: 1) don’t gargle mouthwash, you will drown. 2) Don’t go see the doctor, he might diagnose you with some kind of neuron disease. 3) Don’t post a blog, it might only make sense to you.