garyfultz

Oh Summer…Where Art Thou?

Our household missed it. From April to mid-August, we missed way too much summer. Somewhere between medical emergencies, a life flight, month long hospital stays and indoor home rehab schedule, summers almost gone. In our case, my wife and I are caregivers to a physically handicapped daughter with a very bright mind. So, what’s your excuse if you were indoors most of the time like us? Maybe you didn’t realize you missed it? The picture below sums up many an existence, I hope not yours symbolically.

We are home now.

My texts to family and friends, on arriving at home and assessing our home place: “well, we are home after 28 days bedside. The mice have moved in, the deck flowers are dead, not sure if there is a garden under the weeds, both lawn mowers are now broke, the home generator tried its weekly test with a big clunk and quit, and our heat pump attached to the furnace is shot. BUT, who cares…Our girl is home“

I’m not sure what it takes for most people to find out what is important in life. What we did find out was that we are among the wealthiest people on the planet if relationships count as currency.

We came back to the old double wide my parents placed in the woods. We are just grateful for a nice bed, good views of nature out the window and all the friends and family who took care of all our needs. Some we have never met face to face.

If you ask me, as many others have asked, “Gary, what is the secret at being so good at life when so many bad things have happened?” My wife and I have never changed our answer. We know it is because we have kept a personal-relational-trust-walk with God all these years. The long-term fruit of that kind of foundational relationship is relational wealth with others. It’s also generational. Our kids, on their own, walk with God. Please don’t confuse what I am saying with being religious…That’s a box we seriously don’t fit into very well. Neither did Jesus.

Our son just stood in front of his church for the first time teaching. More relational fruit…He is a computer guy but asked to share some of who he is. I would tell you more about our kids and how much we value one another, but I would just blubber… Hear for yourself from the next generation. Click here…worth the listen

By the way, our real wealth will last forever. Our daughter will not need our care. I will also meet some of you who have helped us through this season. Thank You

Gary

PS…do click on that link. Like most of us, the first 50 words will determine if you listen on or it’s not for you. Ya, I know us humans.

Among Us

I had seen her shuffling along the hospital hallways, humming to herself and arranging things in her cart. It’s not often one sees a great grandmother, all 5′ 2″, dressed in blue scrubs.

No one seemed to pay her any attention at her half speed. It appeared mutual as she was lost in her own world. I wondered about my perception as my first thought was “wow, a cleaning lady with a blood draw cart”. I sometimes misjudge people I am told.

Several days later: our daughter needed a blood culture. Four nurses paraded in and out of the room, all unsuccessful. An hour passed and there was a little knock on the door. Our little ole cleaning lady with the blood draw cart came in and parked by our daughters bed.

My wife and I were ignored. The little women touched our daughter on the arm and mumbled clearly “baby doll, you are my baby girl. I was here when you came in (she was life flighted) and I have seen you in the other rooms. I am here now cause they need your blood to know what medicine to give you. I get your blood every time”.

She muttered a little and I got the feeling she was praying for our daughter as she began to tap on the left arm and fasten a band to make blood vessels pronounced. More tapping as she clearly said “you belong to Jesus. He’s holding you in his hands baby girl. We’re not gonna let you go”

The soul-humming started again, she looked at my wife and I and pleasantly told us to step out of the room. “Me and my girl gonna have a talk and get some blood to know what infection we gonna fight ” she says.

My wife whispered “she’s gonna pray with her”. After the door shut behind us I said to my wife, “do you think she’s a…mmm…”, she nodded.

15 minutes later I checked on our little old blue-clad lady and our daughter. “WE GOT BLOOD” ,as the cart rolled by. “Bye my baby girl” we heard as we walked bedside to a mostly incoherent daughter.

“Was that your angel?” I whispered to my daughter? She half opened her eyes with the most coherent words that we had heard in awhile…”uh..huh”.

Gary

yes we will be bedside for quite a while. Doc says there is hope. Haven’t seen our old gal in awhile. Sometimes life is hard. What a journey to become a little ole cleaning lady…impersonating an angel??

Slowfoot Connections

Many blogs ago, I wrote about a rarely visited wilderness lake in the BWCA Wilderness of northern Minnesota. My short blog with a couple pictures was found by a podcast pro. I was excited to relive the journey through his “escape with Jay” podcast. I am excited to share this connection.

Click on my old post here

click on escape with Jay here

Enjoy the wilderness

Gary

I have been gone from the blogging world for family reasons. I will get back to blogging soon. My camera has been begging for more action as well.

Looking To See

It’s finally spring here in Northern Minnesota, as of this week. The budded trees finally gave way to leaves bursting out. One day the trees have only buds, and the next day there are leaves. While the fourth rain of the month was coming down, the brown grass was suddenly green. All kinds of songbirds are singing their heart out at 5am in the morning, an hour before it’s really light out.

I secretly wanted to see something I had never seen before. How does one see the same thing and see something different? I believe it’s in the lighting. The sun is like a thousand spotlights in the woods, drawing our eyes to see what it is shining on. Click on any picture to enlarge. Each picture is then captioned underneath.

I had never seen the sun glow through birchbark with such color. The new leaves were like glow bugs in the woods. There is a certain kind of “wonder” in seeing differently. It’s more than possible that I was seeing because I was really looking. The lighting in the woods was too dark to take good pictures hand holding my camera, unless the sun’s rays were highlighting something worth freezing in frame. A thought went through me…”It’s just too easy to live one’s life in the dark.”

In an odd sort of way, my walk through the woods helped me see an old friend differently (a very strained and a two-year ostracized relationship). I saw hope for a renewed acquaintance. So yesterday, I drove to his place and said a prayer. I knocked on the door, he opened it and said, “it’s about time”. I said, “I miss my old friend.” We talked. It was better than good.

Maybe there is really something that happens to the core of our being when we begin Looking to see. I start talking to God. I started to sing “he’s got the whole world…in his hands.” I must admit, this not so little walk in the woods has my life as well as my eyes, looking to see.

Gary

Looking Down to See Up

Today was one of our worst winter days for Northern Minnesota (My opinion). The weather turned warm (40 (f) and rained. Winters wet and gray day made snow melt and hardpack turned icy. The beauty of frosted leaves and white snow puddled everywhere.

Accepting the challenge of some adventure, I grabbed the camera, put it on a tripod and went for a walk. I pocketed a dry rag to keep the camera somewhat dry and began to see. Ironically, the fresh rain and melted snow gave me the best view as the puddles framed the pictures. You will have to click on the pictures to see the full shots. You might start by saying “what am I really looking at?”

In a couple hours the rain will turn to snow. Tomorrow morning it will be way below freezing and stay that way for quite a while. I had today. A day where I look down to see up, and then it’s upside down. A day that reminds me how much I don’t really see past what I want to see.

One more irony presented itself as I took a reflection picture of myself and the camera shooting itself (interesting selfie huh?). The reflection is off the dark screen of my laptop with the kitchen light in the background. The colors are not visible to the human eye, but the camera picked them up. I am reminded that if all the light rays, wave lengths and impulse scales were 100 feet long, what we actually see and acknowledge on a regular day is a thumb width wide.

Thought: Maybe I should just look up. Then everything would be right side up…

Gary

Question: How often does the camera get in the selfie?

Winter Wonder Wander

Mesmerized, I watch the millions of snowflakes fall. I hurry as they will soon cover the frost covered, well everything outside. It’s impossible to protect the camera as the wind is swirling. It is barely above zero on the Fahrenheit scale. My numb fingers change out the batteries. The snow lets up as I get to the lake in an area protected by spruce and balsams. “Die down wind” I command. It didn’t. In fact, there seemed to be a fresh puff of wind instead. My breath froze in the cold air while wafting away in small clouds between the trees.

I think I take better pictures when I am in a state of wonder, it’s just a feeling, but sometimes I get used to the same color snow covering the trees the same way every winter. The frosty mornings come often. The frost, like the snow, is very white and always cold enough to freeze unattended fingers (that means wear gloves or mitts). I stand still in the little clearing by the lake. It’s so peaceful here. Mind if I share some of that peace with you? Click on any picture to enlarge and go on.

My last thought as I walk the trail home…”Wow, I know the awesome author of all this”.

I would invite you to take a peek at my other blog posted today as well on “Wintering the Soul”

Gary

Christmas Presence

He waited by the door. It was a habit developed over the years. Dad would go outside, start the car to warm up in the cold weather, then wait inside the door for mom on these special occasions. Several of the kids and their families left while he waited patiently. Caught up in the festivities for a while, it now hit him. Hard sobs came when he realized she had been gone half a year. No gray wool coat on the hangers, no voice, no presence. It was to be 4 years before dad heard “Come”.

Our middle daughter has very limited physical mobility. Sometimes her spirit gets claustrophobic living in a body that cannot move. She gets immobilized easily. She lives in constant pain. She panics easily if she cannot detect our presence or a voice on her intercom. She needs a presence. She also knows Gods presence, probably in ways none can understand.

I took a picture of our daughter with a face aglow this Christmas day. Bed ridden with pain much of the day. Her eyes closed she leaned back against her big pillow, transported physically nowhere, but her spirit dancing and dining with God’s presence. An “other world” movement. A sacred moment as we both listened to someone singing “Amazing Grace”. For a couple minutes she was somewhere I couldn’t be, and in a far better place by her disposition. If I had been an atheist, I would not be anymore. It was good but it wasn’t the song or the musician. I fall short of her experience. I understand being undone.

I now and then steal a look at that picture. No amount of fine talk can explain another’s presence away. No amount of money can buy what she experiences now and then between bouts of immense pain. If the whole world had what she does, there would be world peace.

You billionaires can’t buy it. You psychologists can’t box it up. You skeptics were not there to prop up your belief in your unbelief. She is still daddy’s princess after 42 years and mommies Joy (her middle name). But even we, as her caregivers and parents, cannot compete when she is called to sit on Jesus’ lap for a bit, knowing someday she’s just going to say yes when asked “would you like to stay here?”

And, No. That picture is not for sale or publication.

Gary

Looking Deeper

I was being watched. I knew it. I scanned the whole woods around me. Nothing. I looked deeper. Nothing. Much deeper an ear flickered and a black dot looked like an eye. I raised my camera with a long lens, focused, moved forward to see the deer’s head and clicked. The deer disappeared into the swamps tall grass away from me.

A ruffled grouse, frozen in place, hopes the camouflage is working.

We writers want to sit down and write something profound. We want to help others think deeper. We want to _________________________________???? Well, what do we want? How do we start? How deep will our content be, knowing our audience responds best to catchy sound bytes, but that is not the game we want to play. Or, is it?

I would encourage both of us to look deeper, see further than the news, see people beyond their actions and words, spot the deer and grouse hidden to most onlookers and get off the beaten trails where a real compass is needed.

You can see the world in a dewdrop…who notices??

Our thoughts and words will never go beyond who we are as people. Go deeper, look deeper, be deeper. Our conversations, scribblings, blogs, comments, personal relationships and nonverbal communications will reflect who we are.

Use pictures. Use verbal pictures, stories that create pictures, take pictures and use other’s pictures. We live in a visual world. Many of us use pictures as prompts. Some use drawings photos and as artistic expression. There are those who embellish what they are saying with photos. I will freely admit that I look carefully at the comments section of mine and other blogs to see if people are considering the words to be as strong as the pictures. Sometimes the pictures are the main attraction, other times just support for our message. I intentionally use pictures in all these ways.

I wanted to post some past pictures that I love for prompts in my own writing as well as support what I have wanted to say from a deeper perspective. 100 views of one picture may prompt 100 different discussions…or just one…what do you really see? (Click to enlarge). The last 3 pictures are of the same granddaughter…really.

Debs post prompted this post. I freely admit to “liking” her post as I related to what she was saying on many levels. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I contributed to being “support staff” as she used pictures I had posted for free download on “Unsplash“, a free download site with millions of pictures. I sent her link to all 6 of my siblings to show them how my pictures were being used. They responded by saying she used them well in a really good post and the pictures supported her post well. I agree. (check out Deb’s blog). I enjoy the Haiku’s from David (who uses a lot of my pictures with his allhaiku blog…Click here) and ocassionally Suzette uses my pictures as well (click here).

Lastly. Have a Merry Christmas. I shall not let the “trappings of the holidays” ruin the true meaning of Christmas. I am not just saying that frivolously. I have looked deeply into where Christmas fits into such a relationship with God, that makes one love God and love people. One should look deeply into the eyes of “Faith.” What an amazing concept.

Sorry, gotta go, fish are biting and the lake has at least 3 inches of clear ice.

Gary

Last Autumn Gasp

Autumns Beauty in colored foliage is coming to an end where I live. I am the one gasping as a wind gust removes a hundred leaves to flutter. Up till now they have merrily waved at me all summer through life’s winds. Most of those children are gone, and I once again feel a little older as I shuffle through the fallen. Some of them look so young.

Next will be the golden aspens and then the tamarack needles once a soft green, now a glowing kind of marvelous gold. Suddenly they will be the only conifer naked in the bog and swamp while their cousins balsam and spruce greenly line the edges.

I don’t know why our apple tree is so optimistic. There are still green leaves and crisp apples. Fruit of a well lived season will be shared. I shall live out my season like the apple tree. I decided.

Click to enlarge and forward

That part of us touching eternity. Reaching for God. Knowing God. Choosing good and knowing hope as winter is coming and life goes on to the next season.

Hmm…yes. Of all the pictures of what life should be, I will look at the apple tree. May my fruit forever be, worth the grasp from my autumn’s tree.

Gary

Foretaste

I’m watching the geese and swans v-up for training the young ones for the long migration flight. The wasps are trying to eat our apples and fall raspberries. Various trees are showing their true colors as the green chlorophyll drains from the leaves. Seeds are falling onto the ground from trees and most plants as they dry up for winter. The cold will stratify the seeds so they germinate next spring.

To taste all the signs of fall in an exquisite gourmet stew one could come up with thousands upon thousands of ingredients. I suspect the best we can do is sample a few ingredients and be content. I personally like the 40-degree mornings when I can see my breath in thick vapor drift away with each exhale. The crisp air carries sound so well I can clearly hear a train rumble through the nearest town over 10 miles away. The nearby lake sounds of ducks, geese and swans contented with such a morning seem a stones throw away. Yes, it’s the foretaste of autumn.

This picture could symbolize so many aspects of life. I have two neighbors still flowering while their spouses are gone.

I have been collecting a few visual ingredients of fall. Consider it a visual foretaste of the beloved fall season attempting to hold back the winter for hopefully more than a few weeks this year. Click to enlarge any picture

These and so much more are the Hors d’oeuvres before winter. Enjoy, endure and get ready for winter… for a season.

“Oh what a foretaste of Glory Devine” The words to an old gospel hymn. It seems all of nature is getting ready for winter. It’s a dying time of giving fruit, dropping leaves and leaving seeds. I know where I’m going when I die. Yep “Blessed Assurance”. The old hymn is pertinent. That season is coming, but until then I still need to sweep all the falling acorns off the deck.

I have two bins full for the deer in winter.

I’m in that season now. It’s a harvest season. Gardens, orchards and in my case harvesting some wildlife and wild rice. May God bless your season.

Gary