garyfultz

Perspective

My Snow Storm View Of Life

I took a picture that (to me) represented a whole lot of things in life, including me. To really get to know me you would have to be with me through the thick and thin times. How hard, how little, how much and how long I work till project completion or maybe give up. Find out what I value and how deep those veins run. Do I whisper, mutter or yell when the hammer hits a thumb? Do I discuss my faith and contradict my words later?

So, I paint my best picture of me for your unbiased perspective of your fellow blogger Gary. I select a photo of me looking young. I take 200 pictures of the outdoors and select the best to share. You are not fooled. I have “tells” that show up when tired, stressed, elated or just grumpy. I’m giving you a vantage point to sway your perspective of a good, strong, educated, articulate and fairly talented me.

These are only a few thoughts as I look at one of our oak trees through the window and see a very wrong perspective of this poor tree.

The storm obviously damaged this tree so bad it’s dangerous to our picnic area. That’s my perspective. I found out the other day how wrong I am. Same tree, different vantage point.

If I can be that wrong about a tree, oh my… how do we adjust to see one another? How do we adjust to see beyond ourselves into the eyes of a child destined to die in our place? Lowly shepherds were given the best vantage point to the right perspective of the baby Jesus. A Roman centurion was given a mind-blowing vantage point of Jesus on the cross, adjusting his perspective.

I keep gazing at that tree out my window. It looks broken and weak, but I know that only a big branch broke off, and the rest of the tree is alive and strong. I hear whispers (or is it just thoughts coming to mind?)…”I know that tree. I know you, the earth, the oceans, the wars and what everyone is saying. Do you want to know what I think?” I nod my head… “oh yeah”.

Gary

I am mulling over what I read this morning…coincidence? “Lord, you have been our refuge in every generation. Before the mountains were born, before you gave birth to the earth and the world, from eternity to eternity, you are God” (Psalm 90:1-2).

Wisps

A morning kiss after 48 good years of everyday touches. A tiny flower within an imbedded plant between rocks never noticed before. Your child opening eyes from a coma. Walking a pinkish dew laden path through the woods in red sunrise. Standing on shore gazing on first winter ice sunset reflection. Five of a million intentional wisps of heaven.

Gary

Thoughts From ICU Update

We did not know of her “silent seizures” already happening even when sleeping. Her whole-lower-extremity Cellulitis (the bad kind of infection under the skin) came on suddenly and triggered a series of big-potentially deadly seizures which triggered her body dumping sodium which puts the whole-body vitals out of line. Medically a deadly perfect storm. You prayed, God said “not yet”.

She is home. Our Daughter is much better, still healing from infection and taking seizure medications full time from now on. Her life has changed. We aged a few years in the last couple weeks. Tania doesn’t remember much.

A Humongous (her word) thankyou from Tania to all of you who commented and walked with us. The interactive comments are a wealth of insight and caring from so many who have never met our daughter yet care so much. A short books-worth of good reading.

Going forward, my wife and I and one other helper will keep caring for Tania. A nurse and therapist will also make home visits for a while. I was asked if life was back to normal yet. I said “Yes, but normal has changed a lot”.

Meanwhile, we came home to frozen apples on the trees and peppers on the vine. The pears on the kitchen counter raised a crop of fruit flies. We had leftovers in the refrigerator growing new medicines?? sigh.

The sun still rises and sets and life goes on. Today is a good day (so far) and appreciating Life and so many caring people like you is overwhelmingly good. To watch God work through our daughter with others’ lives has been humbling as well. I will close with what Tania has concluded (again and again in her painful journey)

“If God can use my life of pain and my broken body to nudge just one person to alter their life to know God and change their eternal destiny, I will look back in eternity and say it was worth it. I know this in my head. Sometimes in the here and now, it just really hurts” (Tania).

Gary

I plan on deleting this post after a while, and continue on with life, writing about insights for living a good intentional life in this sometimes-crazy journey here and taking more outdoor pictures that display the beauty of the moment.

Thoughts From ICU

That realization when something is terribly wrong and I am realizing it in real time, very fast but in slow motion. The brain is wonderful. Sometimes brutal. The very fast life of mine flashed through scenes in a millisecond. Blood shooting several feet from my arms twitched my whole body, the tall ladder falling too fast to react. Dozens of scenes came to mind as I was in the middle of talking to my daughter. Slow motion as her words quit, her face drops into a chewing motion, foam starts coming, eyes closed, no response to my touch or voice and I know she is in big trouble. Seizures only when somethings really wrong. 911, ambulance, helicopter, two hour drive to a big city ER and we walk into an empty room. Her ER room.

We find her shoes in a corner, leg braces in another, a shirt obviously cut off her body hanging on wastebasket. No bed. No daughter. We are numb. We are now camping out in ICU.

One day after my last post. Life can change so fast. I’m sure you can relate. Nothing in my DNA allows me to see the future. Educated guesses sometimes are correct. It’s easy to play God when everything is working. Impossible when not. I’m so smart until I’m not.

As I write on my phone, we await a surgery in an hour. We will be here awhile. I caught up on comments from other posts (I think). I text friends and family that know God enough to pray. Yes, judging. I hold our daughters hand now and then. She’s not all there yet. She’s very sick. Too complex to describe. 21 EKG wires tell a tale. Blood samples paint a rough picture. 30 doctors (seems like) agree it a complex puzzle. She’s in God’s hands who has entrusted theirs to a large but not overriding degree.

I watched a most beautiful sunset highlight the clouds in brilliant colors. How dare it be so beautiful when our daughter is fighting to get well in ICU?

I scanned through a hundred news headings. None seemed readworthy. Truthfully wrapping up the garden hose for winter is more important to me. Something I can control, like smiling at people barging into the room. Most are there to help, some are there only for the paycheck. I am in no position to judge. Actually, who is? Again, yes, only God. I’ll quit now. She’s in God’s hands. She has always told us that.

Knowing God seems really important right now. We were created to know Him. All else is a vapor, like life here.

She has been ready for much of her life. Something she can control. A 43 year old gal with severe physical disabilities. She is way more ready for eternity than most of the world, judging by the news headlines. Here I go again. Judging. You and God. Not my place is it. It’s God’s. It’s yours. It’s just so important to be ready when the last realization__________…

Gary

Before Snow

My “before it snows” list is way too long. Harvest first is my motto. That goes out the window when family visits. Somewhere between the lines, the garden, hunting, fishing, dehydrating and freezing food for the long winter take precedence. I’m almost 500 emails behind and hope it doesn’t reach a thousand before the snow flies. Reading blogs are way behind and interacting with texts as well. Sigh….I’ll get there. meanwhile a couple pictures to share will hopefully make your “click” worth it for the few seconds you spend with me. Have a great end of Autumn everyone.

I have seen that journalists are still finding angry people, our family still loves one another, and God is still God and wants a loving relationship with us, but allowing us the freedom to do all we do with Him and His creation.

I’m having good talks in the boat, ATV and walking the woods. Maybe that is the most important thing I’m doing this Fall.

Gary

Letting Go

Fall, it’s what the leaves do. Fade, it’s what the flowers do. Feed, it’s what the animals do. Firewood, it’s what the Northwoods People do.

Preparations for winter is a letting go of summer. I don’t let go very well. I guess it reminds me of all the people I have lost. Maybe it reminds me of those I may lose at any time. I walk the woods and have long talks with God about this.

As I move on my relationship with God is a part of every aspect of life. His presence is very real. I have sometimes been mystified how God’s presence can be so hidden by those with no relationship. I suppose it’s like being totally color blind. How can one acknowledge or even know about a color never seen? How can one know a hidden creator even though creation colors everything? Then there’s Faith…it’s own color.

These were my thoughts as I watched the sun set while coloring the dock by water reflection (see first gallery picture). Could it be the only way others see the Son is from another’s Faith reflection??

I wonder how much letting go does one need to see a new color…gain Faith…Know God?

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. (Hebrews 11:6)

Gary

Chipping Away

I didn’t realize my subtle title mention of storm cleanup. Mostly chainsaw work mixed with tractors, skid steer and a big dump trailor. The following picture is a camera view of one of our two driveways on the left side of the picture.

I took a few pictures here and there but mostly have been clearing trees from road and lawn and now trails in the woods. Today, my wife and I replaced a section of metal roof on a shed. I had not noticed the two bad roof punctures. I put a gallery of pictures that can be clicked to enlarge if you are on the website. I have also included a couple pictures to show that a storm need not keep anyone away from doing some regular activities. That would make for a poor excuse (except for an obvious lack of keeping in touch with blogger friends) sigh.

In picture form storm damage doesn’t seem too bad. In reality we lost a couple hundred trees that we know about. We haven’t made it very far into the woods trails yet.

Things I have learned: Oak trees have 5 times the number of branches that I thought they had. Spruce trees have 100 times the number I thought they had…seriously. One cannot have too many chainsaws as trees twist and pinch and hold sawblades quickly. Trees groan under the weight of fallen trees and are ready to snap at any given time or any change in wind gusts or direction.

Storms are life altering in both good and tough ways. Be they windstorms or life storms, there is damage seen and unseen. Friends are forged in a storms aftermath. It’s very possible that more is gained than lost in the most difficult of storms. How much is a new friend worth? I think I’m getting dangerously close to something Jesus might say.

Gary

storm adventures

They clocked winds over 120 mph in our area. The last 2 days most of us in quite a huge area of northern Minnesota have no electricity. Our car barely fits under high line wires to get to our small town for supplies. Big equipment moved trees out of the roadways. We had a big oak tree fall on our house in the middle of the nights storm. It spanned the width of the house. We are fine. Our daughter is fine with some ptsd from our house moving around in the storm.

The tree is off the roof now. Our generator is working but needed repairs twice. It’s a big generator that starts immediatly upon power outages. We have a top of the line service agreement which we needed in an intense heat wave. It will be a few days before electricity I believe.

Meanwhile, plenty to do as I have a building I can’t get to because of a huge pine tree. Our secondary drive has 10 trees across and all tangled. Clean up today will help us find our lawn. We have roughly 40 trees to cut up around the place and then we can get into the woods and trails. Our treeline looks thin…sigh.

Thanking God a lot. We are fine. Our neighbors are fine but in the same shape. Internet and cell signal is quite iffy. I can’t text pictures.

It’s life. Storms are a part. People come together. It’s amazing how much our communities are helping one another.

Just in case I’ve been weird lately, now you know my excuse.

gary

On My Watch

After 72 wilderness adventures to the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness, I can say with absolute 50% confidence that I am more aware of potential dangers then on trip #1. The other 50% has to do with the unpredictable nature of the wilderness. This is a picture of such danger

A nice portage and entry into the next lake. Obviously, there is current and a rapids runs between the lakes. The danger: once past the last log, there is a very strong current that can pull a canoe down the deep part of the rapids. The river is deep, roiling and turns a sharp corner against the rocks and tree roots. Stay to the left and it’s safe. Push the canoe out before looking for one’s paddle and the canoe will subtly but swiftly begin to be sucked toward a point of “no return.” One could lose more than their fishing rod going down those rapids.

We watched it happening. A group of teenagers came through with two adults. We held back to give them space to get through the portage. The last canoe to push out beyond the logs did not pick up their paddles. No awareness of the water moving them toward the rapids. Our group expected the adults to take charge quickly. No awareness on the adult part either. I took charge.

“Start paddling or the current will suck you down” I yelled. Puzzled looks came from all the canoes of the teen group. “Paddle on the right side” I yelled and kept yelling. The teen had picked up his paddle as he began to panic but only shifted it back and forth...”paddle right side” I yelled. He did. A couple of hard strokes from both teens and they propelled forward and grounded on an underwater rock but had gone into less current. They somehow made it out of danger.

We took our turn at the portage as it’s a bottleneck portage in the wilderness. Most groups in this particular entry point use this portage to camp in the next huge lake or go through to disperse into the hundreds of lakes nearby. Four of us chose to travel each day for a total of 25 portages and 55 miles.

“Life lesson guys” I said. “We all know people who didn’t intend to be sucked into the point of no return with life stuff. Drugs, having affairs and wrecking marriages, poor friends, gambling and so on. Then there is the spiritual area. Life is dangerous without any awareness, much less any relationship with our creator. This little moving water doesn’t look dangerous. The point of no return is closer than anyone thinks. End of sermon…let’s go”

We talked of other life lessons on our wilderness trip. Later on, as we were meeting friends and family, I said to my 16-year-old grandson Aron…”Hey, tell them a story and the life lesson from our BWCA trip. He did. Proud Grandpa here!

Gary

Wilderness Wander

55 miles and 25 portages in a canoe in the wilderness. Trip #72 for me. I guess I qualify as an old guy carrying a canoe (portaging) or paddling through the rugged wilderness known as the Boundary waters Canoe Area Wilderness. I marked our route taken and took a picture. I did not keep track of all the miles covered looking for campsites that only exist on my very outdated map.

Our little group of 4 experienced challenge, growth, pain, exhilaration, great conversations and life lessons seen in nature. I hope to mull these over for a while and explore how to put some of this into worthwhile telling, seeing and hearing. For now a pre-taste is all I can offer in a few pictures. Enjoy. Click for enlarging and forwarding on slide show. You need to be on the word site to make pictures work.

A physical challenge. Deeply spiritual. Senses overloaded. Relationally priceless. My grandson will remember many life lessons and experiences for his whole life. A part of my life will continue through him long after I am gone. The ripples from one side of life continue to the other shore.

Gary

More to come