Christmas Presence

Posted byGary FultzPosted inabundant life, Build Faith, christmas, communion with God, dad, devotional, devotional thoughts, end of life, eternal, Faith, Gary Fultz, Gary Fultz Blog, Inner Peace, Jesus Christ, Know God, knowing God, most imortant relationship, Peace, perspective, relationship building, relationship with God, spiritual adventure, spiritual concepts, Spiritual Perspective, victorious livingTags:, , , , ,

He waited by the door. It was a habit developed over the years. Dad would go outside, start the car to warm up in the cold weather, then wait inside the door for mom on these special occasions. Several of the kids and their families left while he waited patiently. Caught up in the festivities for a while, it now hit him. Hard sobs came when he realized she had been gone half a year. No gray wool coat on the hangers, no voice, no presence. It was to be 4 years before dad heard “Come”.

 Our middle daughter has very limited physical mobility. Sometimes her spirit gets claustrophobic living in a body that cannot move. She gets immobilized easily. She lives in constant pain. She panics easily if she cannot detect our presence or a voice on her intercom. She needs a presence. She also knows Gods presence, probably in ways none can understand.

 I took a picture of our daughter with a face aglow this Christmas day. Bed ridden with pain much of the day. Her eyes closed she leaned back against her big pillow, transported physically nowhere, but her spirit dancing and dining with God’s presence. An “other world” movement. A sacred moment as we both listened to someone singing “Amazing Grace”. For a couple minutes she was somewhere I couldn’t be, and in a far better place by her disposition. If I had been an atheist, I would not be anymore. It was good but it wasn’t the song or the musician. I fall short of her experience. I understand being undone.

 I now and then steal a look at that picture. No amount of fine talk can explain another’s presence away. No amount of money can buy what she experiences now and then between bouts of immense pain. If the whole world had what she does, there would be world peace.

 You billionaires can’t buy it. You psychologists can’t box it up. You skeptics were not there to prop up your belief in your unbelief. She is still daddy’s princess after 42 years and mommies Joy (her middle name). But even we, as her caregivers and parents, cannot compete when she is called to sit on Jesus’ lap for a bit, knowing someday she’s just going to say yes when asked “would you like to stay here?”

 And, No. That picture is not for sale or publication.

 Gary

 

 

Published by Gary Fultz

Outdoors Man, Hunter, Fisherman, Guide, Writer / Author, Photographer, Public Speaker, Musician, Song Writer, Story Teller, Follower Of Jesus. Love God and family and total strangers

104 thoughts on “Christmas Presence”

    1. Thanks Erroll. I have come to believe that the Lord had his hand in our naming her middle name at birth Joy, deciding beforehand. There has been a huge thread (rope) of joy throughout her life of pain. beyond our bounds of thinking. Grace and peace to you as well this year coming.

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  4. Thanks, Gary. Your experience and reflection is really helpful. I continue to be amazed and grateful that life’s tough stuff can teach us and somehow bless us… we don’t understand, but somehow we have a deeper understanding, and a deeper faith.

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    1. Ah yes Malcolm…”life’s tough stuff” seems to be a cave of wonders that no one really wants to explore even though we wind up there sooner or later. A journey no one is prepared for unless their bedrock of trust is in Christ who has been there. He usually seems silent in our “whys”

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  5. Hi Gary, I understand the “private” presence that is precious beyond words, because words fail to adequately convey that which is a reality, that others might not or cannot comprehend. It is an “honored” presence meant especially for two or three that do, that walk in part together, where few others have walked. And they are precious beyond words because that valley being walked in, even in part, is unique between you two or three and God. These are those “gifts” from God that cannot be shared because of their unique and honored preciousness. And I believe that we who are outside should also honor that which is precious beyond words, in another. Such is the beauty and wonder of God’s precious love. Love in Christ – Bruce

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    1. You are very familiar with this territory part of life Bruce. Yes, there is a beauty and wonder to this dark cave that once in there is light if we know and trust Jesus. Every once in awhile he gives glimpses of that wonder with a bigger light. Our attempts to share this “presence experienced” are a bit like trying to teach a tone deaf person to sing.

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  8. Oh Gary, even though you say that you can’t explain or even describe these things and feelings and experiences, you have…… and you’ve taken us with you, to the sacred presence/moments/ encounters, and we do understand…….. and feeling and praying and being in awe about GOD together with you………

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    1. Thankyou Eva for coming alongside. I do not blame those who “don’t want to go there. There are some places we cannot go without enduring the pain of the journey. As humans it’s quite beyond us at the core of how pain and joy are interconnected

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      1. I believe none of us really wants to go there, Gary.

 That’s why I think GOD sometimes throws us into the deep end, because we would never even dip a tow in these muddy waters and would never see what there is to marvel at…..

        One way I recently came to see it is that I suppose that your daughter was (and other people with the most difficult destinies are) sent to us by GOD, perhaps she was courageous and brave enough to volunteer, or perhaps she was appointed for this path, so that we would be inspired and learn – just like (or similar to) GOD HIMSELF / OUR SAVIOUR volunteering for HIS task and coming down to earth, …… I believe they are angels in a human body….. sent from GOD for our edification, healing and to humble us and to strengthen us and our faith.

        Even though many people may not agree, but I believe in some way, you have been blessed by GOD as HE has allowed you to live with an angel and witness what her relationship with GOD is like, what she has – even if there is also an awful lot she doesn’t have……………..

        I am 100% certain that GOD wouldn’t have trusted just any father to care for a child as special as her – HE had to make sure she would have a dad like you, a father that loves her like GOD loves us.

        You are an inspiration and at the same time, we all know and appreciate that the wisdom, depth and understanding you have didn’t come cheap.

        GOD bless you Gary!!!!!!!

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    2. In a sense she is a modern-day Job, on the pain scale. I think we will get an eye-roll if she is called an angel. God’s not telling on the whys and how long, for now anyway. She knows her part is to completely trust Jesus. She does identify with Jesus crying out “My God, why have you forsaken me”, knowing in her head He hasn’t. She has also heard a lot of theories like Job from his friends.

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      1. I’ve also heard people mention Job a lot when they are confronted with someone’s suffering. Possible that GOD wants to give her double for her trouble…………..at the same time, I have come across cases where the person didn’t experience what we would consider a “happy ending” – and nobody knows nor understands why……..as you said, GOD doesn’t always reveal HIS “why’s” to us.

        My only thing that comes to mind in situations where nobody understands GOD is Deuteronomy 29:29 The secret things belong unto the LORD our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children for ever, that we may do all the words of this law.

        Yes, we are made in HIS image, but there are things we do not know.
        We want to, but we will only know if HE decides to reveal them to us…… and sometimes that’s all.
        I do really pray that GOD will keep you all.

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  13. Your pain became mine as I read this Gary, as did your confident hope that “when she is called to sit on Jesus’ lap for a bit, knowing someday she’s just going to say yes when asked “would you like to stay here?”

    Someday all His children will say “Yes” when He asks, “Would you like to stay here?” . . . here forever . . . where “God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, not crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” – Rev.21:4

    Be blessed brother, and . . .

    Keep Looking Up . . . His Best is Yet to Come!

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  14. After reading this, I misread the title—on the second pass . “Christmas Presents,” as in the Holy Spirit’s display of God’s greatest love story.
    I’m also reminded of who Jesus chose to share his love and light with the most. It was those on the fringes. The seemingly “strong” people didn’t think they needed him. Oh well, that leaves more of him for the rest of us.😀
    Great thoughts, as always, Gary! God bless you, brother.

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    1. Thank you for the misread blessing. I actually debated on which wat to spell presence/presents and changed the title after the blog took a life of it’s own. I did not intend to get so personal with our daughters sacred space. I have permission.

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  15. Thank you for the beautiful reminder that, even in the most difficult hours, God is with us. Who can explain why things are the way they are, why good people live tortured lives and the “evildoers” continue to thrive in their evil ways? Your faith and that of your daughter and your wife is boundless. You may not think of yourselves as heroes or beacons of inspirations but that’s how my eyes see you. God bless you all as a new year begins; may it be a year of more happy moments than sad ones, unceasing faith and immeasurable love.

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    1. Thank You Nancy. Yes I do see myself quite differently than a “beacon of inspiration”. We do have good moments and a lot of hope as God takes care of us in so many ways. Lots of Tania Joy stories but not many shared. We are leaning into 2024 as challenges, big ones medically, lie ahead. You have a great new year as well.

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  16. ❤
    After working for years with many disabled students (and their families) with varying abilities and issues, God gave me an expanded understanding of how He is God of relationships. Sometimes people would ask me, “What are they contributing to society? Why would God do that?”
    First answer: It’s for His glory. Secondly, it’s for our blessing, all around: the disabled and the caretakers and friends. Disability changes the lives and perspectives of everyone involved. The potential is huge.
    God bless you.

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  17. We catch glimpses of one another in these posts and from that sense of connection, we celebrate or grieve or ponder or wonder together. Thank you for writing, Gary. May the new year bring much joy and peace to you and your family.

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    1. That’s a really good insight and a way to say it Karen. Connections come in surprising ways sometimes. I am always amazed at the variety of Word Press “Friends” and those connecting. Have a great new year.

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  18. If we could really understand the power of presence. Being in the presence is so important, and, in reality, one of the most important things we can do with God is practice being in his presence.

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  19. The joy of Christ is a wonder to behold. How beautiful that your daughter, so precious to God, so precious to you, can manifest God’s grace in her visage at moments such as these. The handprint of Gods’ love is everywhere about us… Thank you for sharing this love story. God’s children are never alone. They are never too big to ‘sit upon His knee’, or to cry upon His shoulder. He wraps His Heavenly Arms around them and holds them close. What a blessing for you to witness such an embrace at Christmas…I believe in these moments, the angels encircle around us, reminding us that the Kingdom of God is indeed at hand.

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    1. Thank you, Steve. I admit that going about the details of life in a loving way costs less and pays out more, but it’s not a natural reflex for me…needs work. I guess I do get quite reflective between Christmas and the new year. May you have a joy filled year ahead.

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    1. Thank you as well Jim.
      Christmas went well with challenges…an honest assessment.
      How can one not be thankful that God became man on a journey to redeem and draw us through more pain than we endure…What a great time to set aside and celebrate…end of year.
      May your 2024 be filled with Grace

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  24. Gary, your title caught my eye as I wrote under the same but on the theme of time – as in being in the present. Your reflection, however, is so much more powerful – as no amount of being present can ever claim, calm, or cheer us as HIs presence within us does
    “when she is called to sit on Jesus’ lap for a bit, knowing someday she’s just going to say yes when asked “would you like to stay here?” Oh to have that time with Jesus – forever. I’ve been on his lap a few times, Felt His arms embrace me. Felt my pounding heart rest in His peace, We have so much to look forward to.
    You evoked a great deal of emotion in me and I thank you. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable and personal moment with your daughter with us. I am saddened that she lives in such pain – and yet look how God is using her. Blessings to you.

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    1. Then you have experienced things with Jesus in the pain of life many have not Erika. I have often thought of so many times our daughter has been used for the good of others from her pounds of pain coffers. Stories abound. I may actually need to write on a funny shallow plain a bit just to right my own canoe and come up for air.

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    1. You are welcome Deb. I sense you get introspective as I do now and then…especially this time of year.
      Yes, don’t forget joy! Your response has intrigued my imagination with your visual. I could imagine (you) writing a cave thriller as you move through familiar-unheard of- never deeply explored lost caverns. In the end find out you were given a gift to explore your own soul and set long lost captives free.

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    1. We do take so much for granted. My wife and I talked about that very thing over coffee yesterday, even taking our daily coffee time for granted. Many people don’t get much of those times with their spouse or kids. Life just passes by if we let it.

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  29. Straight from your heart, Gary. You see life lived in deep faith to our Savior by witness of your words. This is an eloquently told testimony of Christ’s faithfulness to those who trust in Him! Thank you for posting it.

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    1. Thank You for the encouragement G.W.
      I felt it was something shareable. Maybe encourage someone to seek the presence of Jesus more in their own life. Eyewitness testimony that is honest is still, even in our day, powerful.

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    1. Thank you for understanding what is beyond our understanding in the present. Then there is this eternal concept of “hope” which shines through the dark clouds of life in small openings now and then. Our daughter in the midst of pain experiences what we don’t get to (or want to pay that price). Many mysteries to our finite minds.
      I’m still in that reflective state as you can surmise.

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  32. Shalom, Gary. Such a beautiful post. Made me cry and I’m still doing so while trying to type.
    Loved ones hurting is beyond words hard and heartbreaking. Two of the many verses that helps me are Philippians 4:6-7 “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
    May God bless you and your daughter and all of your family with love and shalom. I’ll keep you and your loved ones in my prayers.

    ~ Chaya

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    1. Thank You Chaya. I often repeat Philippians 4:6-7. I memorized it as a child and have kept those words close to me all these years. The peace of God is beyond understanding …but I sure like it when it happens.

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  36. Oh, to sit on Jesus’ lap! ❤ I have often imagined that, as I'm sure a lot of people have. But if the cost of being so close to Him is suffering, I wonder how many of us would willingly pay the price? I do think that the times I have felt closest to Him are the times I was in pain or lonely or heartbroken. Thanks so much for sharing this slice of life. I wish I could give your daughter a hug. ❤

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    1. Thanks Annie. I will let her know she got a hug from you. It will make her day…I agree on the cost of closeness, it’s often pain and suffering. I glad it’s not always though.

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    1. So true Anna. We see the brokenness every day in our daughter and in the nature outside in our woods. The world news is deteriorating fast in how it’s reported to what is happening out there…then ther’s my own heart, a subject not far away. I pray you have blessings in your 2024

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  39. I had a sad interchange with a doubter yesterday, one doubting the love and goodness of God. How mysterious that the ones who know Him best are partakers in His suffering. I pray further blessings at your house, Gary.

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    1. That is sad Jon. I have always been amazed at how much people believe themselves and their doubts rigidly while modern day Jobs in their suffering are worshiping and experiencing an eternal good God. So many blame God for the bad things wrought by the God of this world. I’m glad you are willing to have those conversations though.

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  40. My parent’s told me that just before my father’s father died, he had that glow about him. And when my wife passed earlier this year, the doctors said that every time she was defibrillated back into rhythm, she would immediately go back into arrest. I heard that and knew she was with Jesus, and nothing could bring her back. And that thought has been my greatest comfort in the past nine months.

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    1. That would be a great comfort Mark. She was on the other side of eternity yelling “Not going back!”
      Your father and my father in law had that glow. Our daughter knows that glow within and wonders why she is still here.
      I just reconnected with a past friend today. He lost his wife and oldest daughter the last couple months. He is very alone. I was at a loss for comfort as none of them know or had wanted to know the Lord. What a great blessing and relief when we know we will see friends and loved ones again.

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    1. Thankyou Debbie. Sometimes something happens and we see the deep well of emotions we were created to feel. Somewhere in the depths of these times, pain, joy, love, sorrow, grace and sadness join hands around the heart of Jesus when we have asked his presence in our lives. Then, it’s ok for awhile. A prelude to much better.

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  44. Thank you for sharing these stories, with so much more than the words themselves are able to convey I am sure.

    Oh, for the day Jesus asks us all that same question? Hopefully I will be ready to say yes when it is asked of me.

    God’s peace go with you and family in this new year. 🧡🙏

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    1. Thanks Hamish. Somehow, I missed your comment here. I have often had that thought as well…”will I be ready to say yes” (with enthusiasm, no looking back). I trust married life looks better and better as you learn the art of walking together.

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      1. Thank you Gary. 🙂 We are definitely learning. And doing a lot of finding out the actual answers to disagreements we thought we had done the upfront work for. (With only a year under our belt, I’m sure this is something that will continue for the rest of our lives.)

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    2. Very true Hamish. After 46 years of a good marriage with no “bad years”(relationship wise), I can give advice…just never let the bin of disagreements accumulate. make sure that bin is much smaller and way less important than your relationship with your spouse. She is worth way more than your side of the disagreement. I even offered to sell my boat and quit fishing for my wife in order for her to know she is first. Thankfully she said “Don’t do that…I want a happy husband”. But, I would have done that.

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      1. It sounds like the two of you have put in the hard work to communicate well, and enjoyed each year together in whatever was within it. Is there a sentiment of always be prepared to give to each other, rather than more of the time expecting to receive?

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    1. Thank you. I know there are many who can relate. The holidays, especially Christmas, seem to bring out memories of all kinds as well as fresh perspectives. A delightful hot apple cider with cinnamon sticks (my strongest non-coffee-drink), sitting in dad’s old chair, looking out the window, surfing memories floating to the surface…I box them up with fresh perspective, rather than just being melancholy about it.

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