Every time I go by this old farmstead with the trees crowded around and over the entrance, I am reminded how much my life is like this place. The fields still grow some wild grasses and a little alfalfa, the fences are not used for cattle anymore, and the roads are fading into trails. The usefulness of this placed has changed much over the years. It’s value is measured by the deer more than people.
Change is hard and often painful (Some would say it takes pain for us to change). Much change equals much pain. I have been two years retooling my life for productivity that will be of value to those around me, possibly enough to get paid enough to live on perhaps more than odd jobs here and there. I cannot get away from the passions that seem to be in my bloodstream from birth. Adventure seems to find me and the rhythms of life come out in my music. I am living proof that writers, artists, and musicians are not very practical. I relate to the t-shirt that says “When the going gets tough, the tough go fishing”.
There is nothing new here. This kind of change happens to all of us. Some is forced change and some is natural. Regardless the only constant in our lives often is change and becoming someone you are not is a road fraught with setbacks and pain. I’m thinking the adventure alone will be worth it all but that’s the deer in me measuring value.
A part of me wants to farm the Homestead. Widen the road to get the machinery through, Fix the fences and buy some cattle, Build a home from wood off the sawmill, and be of value to humanity. There is a part of me who sees the need for more refugee workers around the globe, hear and tell stories that will never otherwise be told, and be of value to a different aspect of humanity. Then there is that part of me that just wants to retire, do some odd jobs and live out my days.
Meanwhile I am looking down the road, seeing the beauty in the landscape and trying to stay away from the ditches that subtly look harmless (they are not, I have been there and it’s expensive).
I have great relationships. When I look around and compare, my relationship with my wife is far beyond what I thought possible. My relationship with God mocks those who “know better”. The mentor-ship status that I have with some of the kids I take fishing would scare their parents if they didn’t trust me. I guess I have this gene in me that wants to go where not many go anymore. I hope it’s not too painful.
What is your dream? Is change involved? What kind of crazy genes guide you towards your passions? Do you have relationships that support how you are wired? (oops I spelled it weird but that might fit as well).